


"Don't pretend to be fine when you clearly aren't."

by sociallyawkward_fics



Series: Sanders Sides Tumblr Drabbles [13]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, References to Abuse, References to Homophobia, references to abusive family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 08:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19826662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sociallyawkward_fics/pseuds/sociallyawkward_fics
Summary: Patton's been acting oddly the past few days, and his negative mood is taking a toll on his boyfriends. The issue is, he refuses to actually admit that anything is even wrong.





	"Don't pretend to be fine when you clearly aren't."

**Author's Note:**

> Meant as a "drabble" prompt (apparently I'm too long-winded for drabbles anymore lol) for LAMP forthese prompts:
> 
> 23\. “I immediately regret this decision.”  
> 67\. “If you don’t wanna talk about it then say so. Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t.”  
> 74\. “You’ve shown me what love can feel like.”
> 
> Like all my askbox "drabbles," this is not edited, so please excuse any mistakes!

Patton had been acting oddly.

Logan only noticed it that afternoon, but after going to Roman and Virgil with his worries after Patton left the room tense and upset and completely not himself.

“He’s not okay,” Logan started, without introduction.

Roman raised an eyebrow. “You’re just now noticing, Teach?”

Virgil elbowed him with a deep scowl. “Just because Patton’s mood is rubbing off on you doesn’t mean you have to take it off on us.” His tone was snappier than usual, clearly also bothered by Patton’s tension.

Roman leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands vigorously.

“Sorry,” Roman sighed. “I didn’t mean that, Logan. I shouldn’t have acted out like that.”

Logan collapsed on the couch next to him with a sigh of his own, allowing Roman to curl up with his head on Logan’s shoulder and his legs thrown over Logan’s lap. 

While Virgil shyed away from contact when stressed like this, Roman craved and needed it. Normally, Patton was happy to cuddle Roman when this came up, but seeing as he was currently the one hiding away and raising tensions, and the contact may send Virgil over the edge, Logan was content to provide this time.

Virgil leaned forward to look at Logan over Roman’s body. “I noticed it a few days ago, but it keeps getting worse. At first it was just fake smiles and not relaxing into touch. Then it slowly got worse and today it seems like it’s reached a head.”

Roman nodded against Logan’s shoulder. “He only leaves the room like that, _looking_ like that, when he doesn’t want to snap or shout at one of us and needs to remove himself from the situation. He almost _never_ does that, he gets angry so rarely.”

Logan rubbed up and down Roman’s back. “We’ll just need to talk to him after he calms down,” he suggested, keeping his voice low and soothing to try and help his boyfriends relax.

Virgil wrung his hands. “Okay. Just talk to him, okay.”

Virgil started scratching at his palms. Logan reached over to stop him, doing his best to keep the contact brief. Roman started biting his nails. Logan grabbed his hands and held both of them gently in one of his own.

They needed to work this out as best they could with Patton, and _soon_. He was their heart, if he wasn’t feeling well, none of them were feeling well. Logan could already feel the anxiety and worry and sadness building up in his own gut, and he only realized a short while ago.

Most of the time, the fact that they all fed so easily off of each other’s emotions was a wonderful thing. But in moments like this... Well, no one would be okay until they were able to help Patton.

They confronted him immediately after dinner. Which, frankly, is exactly what Roman didn’t want. A confrontation.

But, tensions were rising by the minute the longer Patton wasn’t himself, and Logan couldn’t deny that he didn’t have anything to do with the escaltion. With the irritability and anxiety building up in his own person, he didn’t do anything to stop the others when it went too far.

It started off fairly well.

“Patton, what’s wrong?” Virgil asked, puppy-dog-eyes in place. 

The expression Patton could never say no to.

Only, Patton was refusing to look at any of them, collecting the dishes from the table with his head down and shoulders tense.

“Why would there be anything wrong?” Patton replied with a forced laugh.

Then, Roman’s anxiety caused him to snap. Logan saw the break in his eyes when it happened.

“Patton, stop _bullshitting_ us! Stop _lying_!” He said, barely below a shout, standing from his chair

Patton flinched. A plate he was holding fell to the ground a shattered with a _crash_. Virgil jumped so violently he almost full out of his chair.

Logan just watched, irritation boiling in his chest, but he wasn’t sure who for

“Excuse me,” Patton whispered, still not looking up, and rushed out of the room.

Roman’s face stayed hard for barely a milisecond longer before realization spread across his face and he fell back into his chair. “Oh man, I fucked up.” He dropped his head onto the table with a painful-sounding _thunk_. “I immediately regret this decision.”

Virgil rubbed at his eyes. harshly with the heels of his hands. “I think I need to be in the dark and quiet now.”

Logan still didn’t move or respond.

“Patton and I prefer the same spare room to cool down, so I’m taking our main room since he’s probably in there. Please don’t come in unless you’re going to bed. Thanks.”

Virgil slunk off. Logan didn’t mention the shaking of his hands or the wild look in his makeup-covered eyes.

“I’m... gonna take the other spare room, for right now. I’ll see you when it’s time for bed. I just need a little time to chill out, I think. I was out of line.”

Logan still didn’t move or respond.

It took a long time before he was able to get up and move without feeling like he was going to fall under the weight on his shoulders. 

He knew Patton was a lot of what helped them keep their own heads level and their own emotions managable, but he didn’t realize how much Patton did for them until Patton was the one hurting. It really wasn’t fair to Patton, to tell the truth. They would have to make a change when things were better.

But first, Logan needed to step up. Emotions weren’t his strong suit, but he wasn’t going to let them fester in this negative emotion any longer.

He made his way up the stairs, mindful of how heavy his steps were so as to not disturb everyone during their moments of calming down. He gently knocked out his usual pattern on the door to the spare room Patton liked to use when he felt overwhelmed or needed a break.

“Patton?” He called gently.

There was no response.

He knocked his pattern again.

There was a sniffle somewhere behind the door.

“Patton, it’s Logan. May I please come in?”

It was silent for so long that Logan was sure Patton was ignoring him, and he was about to walk away to give Patton the time he needed, when a small voice croaked out.

“Come in.”

Logan quietly opened the door and shut it gently behind himself.

Patton laid on the bed, curled up on his side facing away from the door, as far away from it as possible.

“Patton, sweeatheart?” He said quietly.

Patton sniffled again.

“Roman feels really bad about shouting at you. He didn’t mean to do it. Sometimes worry makes him a little aggressive, he’s working on it.”

Patton shook his head, frizzing his hair against the pillows.

“Patton, please. bottling it up won’t help anything. Let us help you. We’re all worried.”

Patton curled in on himself even more, shaking his head frantically. While he hadn’t been actively crying anymore when Logan had come in, his breath started hitchingsoftly and his shoulders started shaking. 

“I’m fine,” he said, and there was no sign of the tears in his voice.

There was a sharp pang in Logan’s heart as he realized how good at crying quietly Patton was. None of them would be able to hear this from beyond a door, let alone through different floors of the house. Did he cry often? Was he not as happy as he led them all to believe?

Logan shook his head. He could worry himself sick about that later. Right now, he needed to be there for Patton. 

He carefully sat on the edge of the bed. “If you don’t want to talk about it then say so. Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t.” Logan’s voice was softer than he could ever remember making it before.

Patton rolled over to look at him, tears streaming down his face. “I’m sorry,” he whispered and brought his head towards his knees as his silent tears turned into silent sobs.

Logan shook his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” he replied, voice quiet and gentle.

Patton held out his arms and Logan moved closer on the bed. He sat, leaning against the pillows and headboard, and let Patton curl around him to get the amount of comfort and contact he needed. He wrapped his arms around Logan’s waist and buried his face in his stomach.

The sobs grew in volume, Patton no longer fighting to keep them quiet since he’d been found out. Logan held him close, gently scratching his nails up and down his back, running his hand through his hair.

“It’s gonna be okay, baby,” Logan whispered, leaning down (and somewhat contorting himself in a way he didn’t know his body could) to kiss Patton’s forehead. “We all love you so much, we’re not gonna let _anything_ happen to you sweetheart. You’re safe here.”

Patton gripped him as hard as he could, twisting Logan’s shirt into his fingers. It took some time before he cried himself out again, Logan mumbling comforting words to him all the while.

“You work so hard to be the emotional backbone of this little family we’ve created but, sweetheart, you don’t have to. That’s so much on you, it’s okay if you need to feel bad sometimes, too. You don’t always have to be together for us.”

Over time, their positions shifted so that Patton was practically sitting in Logan’s lap, his face buried in the crook of his neck. Logan ran his nails up and down Patton’s back, ocassionally moving his hands up to scratch at his scalp.

“How are you feeling, love?” He asked.

Patton shrugged, but pulled back. “I, um, I think I need some more time alone. I might sleep in here tonight?”

Logan nodded, trying not to let the worry show on his face. “Of course, whatever you need, sweetheart.”

Patton nodded. He placed a sweet kiss on Logan’s lips. “Goodnight, my love.” The smile on his face was small, but it seemed like it was the first _real_ smile Patton had let out in days.

“Goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning.” He gave Patton one last kiss on the forehead before slowly standing from the bed and leaving the room.

Roman and Virgil were already in bed when he entered their shared room. Virgil was scrolling through his phone and Roman had his face buried in a fantasy novel that Logan had recommended to him last week. They both looked up when he came in.

“How is he?” Virgil asked anxiously.

Logan sighed and started changing into his pajamas to join them. “Not great. He still won’t say what’s wrong, but he at least admitted something _was_ wrong.”

Roman started chewing his nails. “Is he upset with me?”

Logan shook his head. “He didn’t say, but I don’t think so. I let him know that you were sorry, that you didn’t mean it.” 

Logan crawled into the bed and pulled Roman’s hand away from his mouth before sliding under the blankets between his two boyfriends.

“We’re gonna be okay, right?” Virgil whispered.

“Of course we are,” Logan replied, without hesitation. “Now, let’s all try to get some sleep. If we’re not well rested, this emotional turmoil will take an even bigger toll on us tomorrow.”

Logan did not rest well. His sleep was broken and of incredibly pour quality. Judging by how much he could feel his boyfriends tossing and turning, they were having the same issue. They all decided to get up much earlier than they normally would, crawling out of bed together by seven in the morning.

They froze in the doorway together as they walked into the kitchen, all shocked to find Patton already there and halfway through making breakfast.

He gave a half-hearted smile when he saw them. “Hey. I heard you guys shifting around a lot so I figured you’d be up soon. Thought, ‘might as well start breakfast!’ Y’know?”

“How are you feeling?” Logan asked hesitantly.

Patton shrugged. “I’m not fine.” He looked up with a sad smile. “But someone let me know that that’s fine.”

“I’m so sorry for yelling at you yesterday, Pat,” Roman said.

Patton switched off the burner he was using and made his way over to them, wrapping Roman in his arms. “I know, baby, I know. I forgive you, I know you’re trying your best to not have outbursts, but success and recovery aren’t linear. We’re okay.”

Roman clutched back tightly.

“Do you wanna talk?” Virgil whispered, voice barely there.

Patton pulled back from Roman and briefly cupped Virgil’s cheek. “Not yet. Let’s eat first, okay?”

Virgil nodded.

Patton turned to Logan, brushing a stray hair behind his ear, his old grin shining through when Logan flinched and tried to hide a smile at the ticklish feeling.

They all helped Patton finish breakfast and ate together in a much more comfortable atmosphere than the one that had surrounded them recently. Roman volunteered to clear their plates to wash later before sitting back down and turning his gentle gaze back to Patton.

Patton shifted somewhat uncomfortable under all their stares. “So, uh, I know I never really talked about my parents much with you all. They were pretty bad people, super homophobic, and after I came out they became pretty abusive. They definitely wouldn’t approve of what we have going right now.”

“I’m so, _so_ sorry, darling,” Roman said, looking like he wanted to reach out.

Patton stood and started pacing anxiously around the kitchen. “I filed for emancipation, left home when I was 16 and never looked back. But, um, lately... they’ve been trying to call, sending some texts, and I... I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you want to talk to them?” Virgil asked carefully.

“No!” Patton wailed, bringing his hands up to his face, but not before Logan saw the tears filling his eyes.

Logan stood immediately, taking a few steps towards Patton but not touching him in case that wasn’t what he needed. “Then you don’t have to. Not one bit. You owe them _nothing_.”

Patton lowered his hands, revealing that a few tears had escaped. Logan brushed them away with his fingers before gesturing to Roman and Virgil. 

“We’re all here for you,” Logan said. 

“We’re you’re family,” Virgil said, “not them.”

“And we would never hurt you or abandon you,” Roman finished. “Not in a million years.”

Patton let out a wet laugh. “I’m sorry I didn’t just come to you guys when it started happening. I love you all so much and... You’ve shown me what love can feel like. I don’t think I ever knew before you all.”

They all moved into a group hug. Logan wasn’t sure who started it, but they all started peppering Patton with kisses wherever they could reach until he was giggling uncontrollably and smiling just like he would before this whole ordeal began.”

“We love you, too, Patton,” Virgil said.

“So darn much,” Roman added.

“More than you can imagine,” Logan finished.

And for the first time in days, everyone in the house took a deep breath and finally relaxed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment telling me what you think, and come visit me on tumblr at sociallyawkward--fics (my wrists hurt too much from typing in weird positions for two hours straight to remember how to and type out a link, but just search me and you'll find it!)!


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